Okay.  The Speed Gamers  has a Final Fantasy marathon for a week now.  They're finishing it up right now.

This speedrun marathon was sick.  They raised over $50,000 for ACT, a charity for the treatment of autism!  It's amazing!  They truly are awesome.

Here's the screenshot of the moment they made their goal:

Okies, guys!  I guess I should post this here!  It's pretty big news for me, anyway.

I went to AC, and on Saturday night while we were playing a game of Werewolf, I met a fellow fox named Fazar.  Of course, the three foxes there united against the rest of the crowd, so we basically controlled the whole game.

During that time, though, I watched Fazar... the way he acted, the way he laughed.  There was something about him that I hadn't seen in anyone before...

Well, we stuck together a lot of the next day.  Nothing happened between us; I just felt like something big could happen.

After I got back home from AC, we found each other online.  A couple of days later, we officially became mates!

It's kinda scary to start something this quickly.  I've never done it before, but (then again) I've never been the instigator of most of my relationships.  I felt really good about it and still do. 

Anyway, that's the huge announcement!  ^_^

Heya, everyone!

I know, I rarely post.  Sue me.  =P

^_^

Anyway, for all my peeps that don't know, I'm mated!  Actually, I have been since March 3rd, but... yeah, how time passes.

His name is Trevor Grant, also known as Simeon  (or Simmy), a wolf, on Fur Affinity and such.  Let me tell you our story.

Last Fall.  I had been living in Logan, Utah for a little under a year since I got home from an LDS mission.  I had dated a bit, but nothing real serious.  One of my ex's, named Cooper, told me there was another fur that had just recently moved up to college.  I was instantly intrigued, but Cooper told me he was a bit afraid to meet me.  I thought, "Okay.  I'll just wait, then."  And I waited, and waited.  He never contacted me, so I just sorta left it alone.

January.  I started to think about him again.  I decided I'd try to look him up online (you see, I'm a professional stalker; I found people I hadn't seen in years before Facebook was invented).  I found him and left him a message on MySpace.  He responded, and I thought, "Cool."  Well, first day in my poetry class, I walk in wearing a fox shirt, and this guy comments on it.  Of course, I let my fox obsession spill out to him, and what do you know?  He loves foxes, too!  And wolves!  I ask him his name, and he says, "Trevor."  I turn red.

As it turns out, we both went to the GSA meetings, had poetry together, and such.  He had dated Cooper, as well; our ex tried to keep us from meeting.  Well, March 3rd, little wolfie went with me after the GSA meeting and asked me if I'd like to date.  I said yes.

This is the longest (and best) relationship I've had.  Everything's goin' great so far!  We only see each other twice or three times a week, but I really like the time we spend together.

Anyway, now you know.  ^_~

Utah State Senator Chris Butters has crossed the line when he talked about gays in the documentary 8: The Mormon Proposition.  Now, he knew he was giving information to use in a documentary when he said these things:

   "Homosexuality will always be a sexual perversion.  And you way that around here now and everybody goes nuts.  But I don't care."

   "They're mean.  They want to talk about being nice.  They're the meanest buggers I have ever seen."

   "It's just like the Muslims.  Muslims are good people and their religion is anti-war.  But it's been taken over by the radical side."

   "What is [sic] the morals of a gay person?  You can't answer that because anything goes."

   "They're probably the greatest threat to American going down I know of."

You know, if only he could spend a day in one of our lives and feel what we've felt, see the way we've seen, and live the life we've lived, he might, just might be able to understand why these things were hateful.  He still refuses to apologize, saying that he means what he said.  I found these quotes on ABC4.com: Senator Buttars compares some gays to radical Muslims. 

Parts of his speech about gays: http://www.sltrib.com/ci_11731577?source=rv

Information on the "consequences" of his statements: http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=5644436

I'm in the Improv group here on campus.  I love acting!  It's always given me a way to let my creative side out, and Improv lets me slip a bit of me into it.  I never thought I was good, but I liked it.

Anyway, after Improv practice today, one of the more experienced members called me over and said, "I asked the president of the club if I could coach two people to do the long form version of Improv."  The "long form" basically is a series of scene after scene done over, well... a length of time.  I've only seen it once, and they went for about 10-15 minutes.  Anyway, he said, "I want to know if you want to do it."  I said yes.

It's such an awesome feeling!  I've always had doubts about my own skills, and I started to worry that I might not be as good as some of them.  This helps me see that I might have something someone likes, and I'm excited.  I have a while before any performances, but it looks like two of us will be doing this together; my partner, Claire, rocks.  :)

Also, I decided I needed to find some excuse to write a bit.  I'm gonna start a furry-relates series of stories just to get my thoughts rolling and keep in practice.  If I keep writing, I'll be able to get better; if not, I'll get rusty and sad-like.  And that's bad.  Aww...

At any rate, things keep lookin' up.

Yeay!

After months and months of scratchin' my head and writin' different drafts, I finally finished another short story, "The Chupacabra" (found here).  I tried using a style of humor that's rarely used these days, and I had a hoot writing it.  I'm not sure if many others will get the humor or find it as amusing as I did, but I found it worth writing.

Reading the whole story out loud was even better.  :)

Anyway, take a look if you want; there are some racial stereotypes and somewhat strong language in the story, but it wouldn't have been the same without them (and, mind you, I still edited out some).

Yeay!

~Alex

I love life!  Yeay!  No, really, I do... I'm not being sarcastic.  Life is cool.  ^_^

I've noticed a few interesting changes in my family, though.  First, my father: I think he's taken my sexuality pretty well.  At dinner tonight, my cousin started doing an impression of a gay horse (and he has no clue about me).  We all laughed, and my father started talkin' about a gay dog my grandfather had.  He said my grandfather loved that dog.  Oddly enough, it was a warm subject.  I feel like I can joke and talk about it with him without much worry.

My mother, though, has turned a little nastier.  Since Proposition 8 passed in California, it's been a bit hard.  She was talking with my aunt about it, rolling her eyes and criticizing gays.  I've learned to keep my mouth shut just to keep from fighting, but it was hard.  The LDS Church (otherwise known as Mormon) took an active role in propogating the proposition, and it's affected all the members of the church all over the country; it was a very small part of several churches opposing gay marriage, but protestors attacked the LDS Church.  Because of this, my mother is extremely upset at them.  I agree that the protests went a little too far, but it still hurts me to see that her opinion has become more negative because of a few others.

One of my four sisters is getting married this weekend.  The guy is nice, but my family is very worried about her.  She's nineteen (which is a normal age for marriage here in Utah), and the guy is twenty-five.  There's nothing wrong with that, but they'll be living apart for several months after their marriage.  My parents are worried about it, but the wedding's still happening.  I think it will work out, but they'll have a hard time for a while.  The guy is a typical cowboy: he drives a truck for work, he likes hunting, and he has more guns than I would dream of (probably).  He's a good man, but I've had a hard time identifying with him.  As long as my sister does, I'm okay with it.

I have two other sisters that are married.  One was married at twenty, and the other at eighteen.  They're both doing fairly well, so I know it could work out great.

My oldest sister, known as Essentiafour on the internet, is attempting the fastest playthrough through Final Fantasy X and Donkey Kong Country 2.  She has the record for FFVI at 4 hours and 48 minutes (single playthrough, no saves) and for FFIX at 8 hours and 32 seconds (segmented).  She has each of them recorded at Speed Demos Archive.  I think it's nuts.  Cool, but nuts.  o.o

My littlest sister is adorable.  She's eleven, and she's already read all the Twilight series and is now reading The Host.  I'm an English major, and she reads more than I do.  She is the most dedicated student I have ever seen; when she's sick, she calls a class mate to find out what they did in school!  I never did that! 

Anyway, I love my family.  I failed to talk about my other sister, but that's okay; she has two kids and is too busy to be mentioned.  ^_~

I normally hate surveys and such; they seem like a waste of time and valuable kilobytes of internet space.  This, though seemed a bit better.

Apparently, this list contains the 75 most common fears.  How many am I afraid of?  Let's find out... ^_^
________________________________________________

Key: [x]=yes 1 full point, [/]=somewhat 1/2 point, [ ]=no 0 points

(My personal commentary is added in parentheses.  I stole this from XianJaguar on FA, and some of the comments were left because I completely agree)

Am I afraid of:

[ ] public speaking
[ ] staying single forever
[X] Rejection
[ ] being a parent
[ ] giving birth (If I were a woman, it would be a big X)
[ ] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[X] heights (my goodness, I get really worried up high, but I still get up there)
[ ] dogs
[ ] fish
[X] spiders (UGH. I hate them and their webs)
[ ] flowers or other plants
[ ] that Scary guy... (WHAT??)
[ ] being touched
[ ] fire
[ ] deep water
[/] snakes (I'm mostly over this fear, but they still creep me out a bit)
[ ] silk
[ ] the ocean
[X] failure (And you thought I'd be used to it by now... ^_~)
[ ] success
[/] thunder/lightning (I'm extremely jumpy, and thunder makes me shoot through the roof)
[ ] frogs/toads (LOVE LOVE LOVE.)
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats (You've got to be kidding me. Rats are the BEST pets ever, next to possums.)
[X] jumping from high places  (I swear, I'll go sky diving one day, but I'm gonna die when I do)
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[/] crossing hanging bridges (wow... I didn't realize this was a common fear.  Some of them do scare me)
[ ] death (Nope. He's my friend)
[/] heaven (Odd, but true)
[ ] being robbed
[ ] falling
[ ] clowns
[ ] dolls
[ ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[ ] having great responsibilities
[/] doctors, including dentists (how about an extreme discomfort)
[ ] tornadoes
[ ] hurricanes
[ ] incurable diseases
[ ] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[ ] poverty (Hey, I'm a poor college student; I'm already there)
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers (I like odds more than evens, but I wouldn't call it a fear)
[/] being alone (I hate being alone.  Really, I do.  I'm not afraid of it, but I hate it)
[ ] becoming blind (I wouldn't like it, but I'm not afraid)
[/] becoming deaf (I'd be able to get around better than being blind, but I would really miss sound a lot)
[ ] growing up (I almost marked it; I'm much more of an adult on-line than IRL, like, srsly)
[/] creepy noises in the night  (That's why they're called "creepy")
[ ] bee stings
[ ] not accomplishing my dreams/goals (I'd be disappointed, but I'm not afraid)
[/] needles (only doctors' needles; keep those away)
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs (I live in Vernal.  I can't be afraid)
[ ] the welcome mat (WUT?)
[ ] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secret (WUT?)

Final Total: 9.5

If you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it I'm afraid of __ out of 75 common fears.

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 11-20, you are normal.
{{{If you get 10 or less, you're fearless.}}}
______________________________________________

I don't think I'm fearless.  I used to be afraid of germs, cracks, 3/4 time (if I were walking), and any round object moving through the air.  I'm still afraid of getting hit in the face with a ball, but I think that's more of a self-preservation thing.  :)

I've been home for about a week and a half.  Everyone's been hustlin' around the house, tryin' to get ready for Christmas and my sister's wedding in January.  Even though I don't have a lot happening in my life, I've been kept busy.

Last night, I went to my grandma Carroll's house to visit; she sat there, talking non-stop (as usual).  She started telling a story I'll never forget.  Her cousin, Elva, was terminally ill from Cancer.  She was an older woman, but my grandma wanted to make sure she wasn't alone.  She moved in with her.  Well, one day Elva started saying she wanted my grandma to die with her.  "That way, we could go skipping up to heaven together!"  Elva told her to sleep without her oxygen on, and she didn't want to.  She put on some small tubes and hoped Elva wouldn't notice.  When Elva walked in the room, she said, "I can hear the oxygen machine on.  Go turn it off."  Grandma got up and hid the machine in the bathroom so she wouldn't notice.

I was with my cousin, and we had no clue how to react (though, I admit, I was snickering).  Then Grandma started laughing.  "Oh, she wanted us to die together!  What a great time!"  I laughed a lot.  Even with how old she is, she's comfortable with what might happen in the future.

Today, I visited my grandma and grandpa Cook; my sisters and I went shopping for them, and we sat down to talk.  My grandpa started telling a joke.  "Well, a man was talking to his wife; she was upset he didn't buy a Christmas present for his mother in law.  He said, 'Look.  She didn't use what I gave her last year.'  'What did you get her?' the wife asked.  'A burial plot.'"  I love my grandparents.  ^_^

Right now, we have about five people visiting; we had a big dinner, and now we're gathering to play "Apples to Apples." 

This is what I call bliss.  ^_^

Have a Merry Christmas, everyone!  If you don't celebrate the holiday, that's alright; have a good day, whatever you call it.  ^_^

I generally have strange dreams.  This one scared me.

Last night, I dreamed I was here in my house, as usual.  I noticed a piano bench placed in my bedroom with a few decorations on it saying "Families can be Together Forever" and such.  However, it looked a lot like an altar of sorts.

My mother came in, holding a knife.  She said (not a direct quote), "Brian, you are a sinner, and there's only one way you can become clean."  She wanted me to slice my hand and spill my blood on the altar.  I was freaked out.  She wouldn't listen to reason; she wanted me to do it, and there's no way I could convince her otherwise.  So, I started yelling.  I grabbed the altar and flipped it over, and at the same time though, I'm an apostate.  I'm going against my religion.

My dad and sister came in, and when I argued against them, my sister said, "Well, it says in the scriptures..."  In my dream, I knew it was in there, and I admitted it; however, I told them it was wrong.  I went right up to my mother and yelled, "This is a false doctrine!"  She got really frustrated; I wouldn't call her mad, but she was worried about my eternal well-being.

And I worried, too.  I was almost sure I was right with what I was doing, but I still doubted.  I even considered slitting my hand open just to appease them...

After waking up, my mind was left in a jumbled mess.  I've been thinking about this all day, especially how it all relates to my life in one way or another. 

Sorry.  I'm crying right now.  I don't know what to think.

Alright!

Wow, I have had a productive week.  This is the first time in a long time, really.  I think it's been about four  or five months that I've spent rolling these ideas for the novel around in my head, making notes here and there.  I've written a bit, but I never got anything really accomplished.

That being said, I've made my first draft of Chapter 2.  Mind you, I've written only an extremely small part of Chapter 1, and I've written about half of Chapter 3.  I've spent the most time thinking about Chapter 8, and I recently added in Chapter 9.  I may also insert another one between 6 and 7. 

In other words, everything is rough.  Chapters do not follow a linear order.  Rather, past and present events appear in an order that causes the reader to understand more about Steven Robinson, the main character.

Chapter 2 is told from his perspective, relating the incident when he is called in to converse with the director of the laboratory about the next project, the "Henri 660 Prototype."

I know that doesn't make much sense to anyone that' reading this, but it gives me a reason to write this journal.  =P

Christmas break!  Finally, it's here!  I'm so excited for it!  And, with that, I now have an insane amount of free-time.  Wow.

With it, I've decided to finally do some work on a project I've been rolling around in my mind for some time.  I plan to write a novel called "Good Morning Mr. Robinson."  This will mainly be a character study of Steven Robinson, a married gay scientist, and a look into how he destroyed his life. 

I have all the chapters planned out (about nine or ten), each viewed from the perspective of a different character, usually from different time periods.  Three of the chapters are told from the perspective of a robot, one of the projects Steven works on.

I have about five pages from the third of fourth chapter written (I can't remember because it's not in front of me), and it's the most depressing thing I've ever worked on.  I love it.  :)

Anyway, I'll post some updates as to when I finish each chapter.  While I don't plan on posting them up, I'd love to share some of them with individuals.

Yeay!

It's 2:56 P.M., and I'm finished will all my papers!  I'm even two hours early!  ^_^

I can't believe how many things I had to write about: Twain, Thoreau, Emerson, Hawthorne, Melville, Fanny Fern, and Jonathan Edwards.  Whew... I think I can take a break.  :)

Just one more final on Friday, and I'll be finished.  ^_^

Due today that I still have to do:

4-5 page paper about A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court (due at 5:00 P.M.)
Final Exam in a physical science class (at 11:30 A.M.)
Poetry reading for my poetry class (at 9:30 A.M.)

Finished:

4-5 page paper about The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
4-5 page paper about Walden by Henry David Thoreau
6-7 page paper about assorted stories, works and novels written before 1850
3-8 page paper about the effects of HCFCs and methyl bromide on the ozone layer
4-8 page group project about what society needs to know about science


And I still got to bed by 1:30 A.M.  I think I'll finish.  o.o

Due tomorrow:

4-5 page paper about A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
4-5 page paper about The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
4-5 page paper about Walden by Henry David Thoreau
6-7 page paper about assorted stories, works and novels written before 1850
3-8 page paper about the effects of HCFCs and methyl bromide on the ozone layer
4-8 page group project about what society needs to know about science
Final Exam in a physical science class
Poetry reading for my poetry class

I hate finals.

(by the way, I'm still perky, but I'm perky in a productive way)

Okay.  I was walking to the church to meet with the stake president, and I had no clue how to act.  I thought about going in and being angry, saying everything on my mind, or perhaps just trying to be in control of the situation.  I went through every emotion I think I could have.

Most of all, I was afraid of what would happen to me.  I've never talked to a stake president about being gay before.

I walked into the church and sat in the lounge until he came and greeted me with a smile.  He took me in, we sat down, and we talked.  I can honestly tell you that this man was one of the nicest people (and most certainly the nicest adult from church) I have talked to about this.  He assured me that my position in the church and the leadership were secure.  He then talked to me about some of the teachings in the church.

Now, I'm gonna share a few of these things, mainly because if any church has reason to have a stand against homosexuality, this one has it (and though I'm not completely convinced of everything, it actually makes some sense).  One of the core beliefs of the church is that the family is essential to human kind; from what I understand, everything that benefits man has been fashioned after the likeness of God.  Logically following this, the family (one of the best things for this world) has been formed after God's likeness, as well.  In other words, God has a family.

In this life, children are (typically) born to a pair of parents and are raised.  However, after a while, they leave their parents' care and start a family of their own, becoming parents.  Through marriage come children.  In the same way, people were all born on Earth, put here by God, our Heavenly Father.  However, after this life, they may become like God, having children of their own and letting them have life.  To do this, they must be married.

I know what you're thinking: Alex, are you telling me that this religion teaches that God is married?  Are you saying it teaches that man can become like God?  It does teach that, yes.  That's why the church greatly values marriage between man and woman and (presumably) always will.

It might sound weird, but why else would religion exist but to lift man to something he could never be by himself?

Anyway, that's part of what the president discussed with me.  Through these last days (what with church choir concerts and such), I realized I had sorta lost my focus on religion.  I was seeing people leading the church, and I completely forgot about how everything they said tried to direct the mind closer to God. 

I thought about it: if Jesus were here, would he date men?  But then I thought: would he date women?  I couldn't see either happening, really.  While I've decided to do my best following the church as a leader, I still have a lot to think about in the long run.  I still think there might be a place in God's plan for the gay man, even if I haven't found it yet.

It's been a couple of weeks since the article for the newspaper was written.  Overall, not many people I know saw it (most on-campus college students don't get the local paper), but the ones who read it mattered.

Two Sundays ago, the Elder's Quorum President (to whom I am a councilor) asked to talk to me.  I did, and he told me the bishop had shown him the article.  He didn't criticize me at all; he said he wanted me to keep being his councilor.  Truthfully, he said some things that made me feel that I was making a difference there at church. 

The bishop then called me in.  While the Elder's Quorum President is my age, the bishop is considerably older.  He had me sit down in his office and pulled out the newspaper article (the first time I saw the gay flag in a church).  He basically asked me if I planned on becoming an activist, which, based on his view of activism (protesting, shouting, or whatever), I'm not.  Based on the conversation, he told me I wouldn't be removed from my church calling.

However, I have to do a few things.  First, I have to dye my hair a normal color.  It was bright red that day, and it's now a light shade of pink.  He said the stake presidency (or the leadership of about 1,000 people) has been talking about my hair, and it needs to change (and why the leadership of a whole community would put my hair as a priority is something that still boggles my mind).

Second, I can't be an activist.

Third, I can't participate in anything homosexually related.

Fine.  I'll dye my hair.  I won't be an activist.  I'll even try to stop my homosexual tendencies (or at least the ones they disapprove of).  There's too much good for me to do in the church to let these things keep me from helping there.  I'll stop doing one thing that I think is okay in order to do something that may make a bigger difference.

Even if there are things I don't approve of in the church, it is still a great organization that helps so much!  I want to help where I am.

However, once I'm no longer in that position, I'll let my voice be heard.

I'll be meeting with the stake president (the leader of about 1,000 or more church members) this Sunday.  I have no clue what we'll discuss.

The original article can be seen here: http://hjnews.townnews.com/articles/2008/11/20/news/news04-11-20-08.txt

Today, Brittny Jones, a friend of mine, published an article in the local newspaper about homosexuality and religion.  She interviewed me and told my story, along with quotes from the movie "For the Bible Tells Me So."  I found the article very well written (even if she wrote the wrong name in the article once) and informative.

What's interesting, though, is the discussion that's happening below.  If you want to know what Utah is like, just take a look.  ^_^

http://hjnews.townnews.com/articles/2008/11/20/news/news04-11-20-08.txt

Holy cow!  I've been gone for a long time!

However, I'm back.  ^_^

I found myself Wikifur and figured that, since someone decided to put my Live Journal up there, I might as well use it.   furry.wikia.com/wiki/Alexandre

It strangely found a MySpace account I thought had been deleted months ago.  I had a stalker and tried to shake him.  Oh well.  :)

Also, I'm now a Watcher at Furtopia!  It's not much, but I get to peruse the forums and... stuff, like I usually do.  ^_^

Anyway, I'm glad to be back.